


holding on now to memories (that won't let go of me)

by mylifeiskara



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Speculation, F/M, Fluff but not until the end, Post-Season/Series 06, The 100 (TV) Season 7 Speculation, The Anomaly but it's about feelings, mild violence, pls let them rest, s7 Canon Spec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:08:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23519725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylifeiskara/pseuds/mylifeiskara
Summary: When Bellamy goes into the Anomaly after Octavia, he doesn’t expect to be confronted with his past. And it turns out confronting the past helps him confront what he wants his future to look like.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Minor Bellamy Blake/Echo - Relationship
Comments: 14
Kudos: 126





	holding on now to memories (that won't let go of me)

**Author's Note:**

> So I have fully stepped out of my comfort zone with this fic! This idea has evolved a lot since I first had it in like November, but I'm really pleased with how it's turned out. Special thanks to [imunbreakabledude](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imunbreakabledude/pseuds/imunbreakabledude) for being the most encouraging friend and cheering me on through every incarnation of this story.
> 
> I did a little bit of research for this fic, by way of reading the metas of people who pay more attention than I do. [These](https://easilydistractedbyfanfic.tumblr.com/post/190825188531/did-u-notice-the-same-lettering-on-octavias) two were the ones that helped me out the most. I also read this [article](https://www.quantamagazine.org/the-octonion-math-that-could-underpin-physics-20180720/) that thelittlefanpire linked in her [fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21080999). And I would be remiss if I didn't mention Talis's observation that the Anomaly is a romantic in [All These Things That We Were](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22426228), which I am obsessed with.
> 
> Title is from [Other Side](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UoUk-QtPpw) by GAITS, please clown with me. I hope you enjoy my rather optimistic take on the Anomaly, so obviously this won't happen on the show lol.

“Octavia!” Bellamy can feel himself going hoarse, but he doesn’t care. He keeps screaming for his sister. How can she be gone when he only just got her back?

It’s not long before his legs give out, and he drops to his knees on the forest floor. Tears stream down his face as he finally gives up, knowing he’s not going to get an answer. Octavia can’t hear him. She’s gone.

Bellamy takes deep breaths, trying to calm himself so he doesn’t have a panic attack. He counts to four as he breathes in through his nose, then counts to four again as he lets the air out through his mouth. He repeats it, feeling as though he’ll never be steady again. Eventually a hand comes to rest on his shoulder. He turns his head as Echo sinks down to meet him on the ground. He puts his hand on top of hers, appreciating the contact, but something still feels off about it.

“It’s gonna be okay, Bellamy,” she whispers.

He shakes his head. “You don’t know that.”

“Octavia’s already gone into the Anomaly and come back. I don’t see why it would be any different this time.”

“Well for starters, last time nobody came out of the Anomaly and stabbed her. I’d say it’s not really the same.”

Echo doesn’t respond right away. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

That’s the thing about Echo. She’s not great at comforting people. It’s not her strong suit, which makes sense. She’s a spy. And Bellamy—being the emotional person he is—sometimes needs someone who gets it. Back on the Ring even after he and Echo got together, he would just go talk to Harper if he needed to hear something reassuring. It never sounded right coming out of Echo’s mouth. And he hadn’t been able to put his finger on why exactly that was, but he’s beginning to think that it’s because the only person who really knows how to comfort him the way he needs is Clarke. He pushes this thought out of his brain. That line of thinking won’t help him right now. Right now, Clarke is in Sanctum. And he’s still with Echo in every sense of the word.

“You don’t always have to say something,” Bellamy continues. “It’s okay to just be here.”

“Okay. Well I’m here.” She rubs his arm and sits quietly with him. It’s somehow still not what he needs, but for now it’s enough.

They make their way back into the tent, where Gabriel is buzzing back and forth between his equipment and his bed, where the strange girl that made Octavia disappear lies asleep. He seems intent on figuring out what the symbols tattooed on her face mean. Every so often he studies her face before running back to his table and scribbling down notes.

“These symbols,” Gabriel begins, seemingly to no one. “They’re like the ones on Octavia’s back.”

“So what does that mean?” Echo asks.

“I don’t know for sure, but I think it might be the key to why Octavia came out of the Anomaly without having aged. And it could also explain why Hope came out an adult, rather than a baby.”

“Well how long until you _do_ know for sure?” Bellamy pushes.

“There is nothing exact about this situation. I can only make educated guesses. But I think the key is that both Octavia and Hope have these symbols on their bodies.”

Hope stirs from her spot on Gabriel’s bed, and Gabriel, Bellamy, and Echo immediately rush to her side. It takes all of Bellamy’s self-control to not grab her by the shoulders and shake her, demanding to know why she did that to his sister.

She rubs her eyes as she lifts herself onto her elbows. Gabriel crouches down by the side of the bed.

“Hi, Hope,” he says softly. “Do you think you’re up to answering a few questions?”

Bellamy begins to step forward, wanting to take the interrogation into his own hands, but Echo holds him back, sensing his annoyance.

“Let him handle this. He knows what he’s doing,” she whispers.

Bellamy sighs, though it doesn’t bring him any sort of relief. He just wants to know enough so that he can get Octavia back.

Hope stares at Gabriel, then shifts her gaze to Bellamy.

“I did it to save her,” she says, never breaking eye contact with Bellamy.

Bellamy finds he can’t hold his tongue anymore. “I’m sorry, you stabbed my sister to save her?”

“He’s on his way. He knew she was here. I had to find a way to distract him.”

“Who is he?”

“I don’t know his name. Just that he’s mad, and he’s out for blood.”

Bellamy’s eyes widen with fear. He turns to Gabriel and Echo, who seem equally concerned. What on earth did Octavia get up to in the Anomaly?

Echo turns to Hope. “You said what you did was a distraction, right?”

Hope nods. “He’ll figure it out soon and go looking for her somewhere else.”

Gabriel jumps up, springing into action. He runs to the table that holds his equipment and brings a pen back with him.

“I have an idea.”

Bellamy is wary of the somewhat crazed look that flashes on Gabriel’s face, but he knows whatever he’s thought of is probably the most viable option.

“You two are going to go into the Anomaly and find Octavia,” he continues.

“That sounds crazy,” Bellamy says, folding his arms against his chest.

“Yes, but don’t you want to save your sister?”

“I do, but there has to be another way!”

“Just hear me out! If I mark both of you with the symbols we found on Octavia and Hope, it should lead you to wherever they reside. It’s the only link we have.”

Bellamy sighs. He’s exhausted and the last thing he wants to do is go looking for another fight.

Echo must sense his trepidation, because she finally speaks up. “Can’t we at least wait until tomorrow? That way we have time to go back to Sanctum and let the others know where we’re going.”

Gabriel shakes his head. “There isn’t enough time. The circumstances won’t be the same. This needs to happen as soon as possible if you want any chance of getting her back and getting out yourselves.”

“What about this one?” Bellamy asks, gesturing to Hope.

“She’ll stay with me. Might be helpful to have her if whoever ‘he’ is decides to show up.”

Bellamy isn’t crazy about this plan. There are so many unknowns about the Anomaly, unknowns that it seems like Octavia couldn’t even articulate fully. And here he is, about to jump headfirst with Echo into what is perhaps their most volatile adversary yet. It felt like they were so close to getting a chance to rest after near constant battle since they woke up, and he wants so badly for everything to stop. But he knows he won’t be able to stop until he sees that his sister is safe and back with him for good.

He looks to Echo standing next to him, as she gives him a small smile and squeezes his hand. At least he doesn’t have to do this alone. He feels slightly off-center, knowing that they’re doing this and the others back at Sanctum won’t have a clue as to where they’ve gone. What if something happens to them and they’re not able to get back? What if he never gets to say goodbye? What if—

“If we’re doing this, we need to get a move on,” Gabriel says, pulling Bellamy out of his thoughts.

Bellamy nods. “Okay. Do what you have to do.”

“We’re ready,” Echo agrees.

Gabriel moves toward Bellamy, pen in hand. He rolls up the sleeve of Bellamy’s sweater and begins drawing the symbols on his arm. Once he’s finished, he does the same with Echo’s arm. Bellamy is glad he didn’t draw them on their faces. It would have looked ridiculous.

He gathers up a few supplies, including a long rope and his notebook, and heads to the mouth of his tent. He stops and turns around, looking at the three of them.

“Well. The Anomaly awaits.” He turns back around and exits the tent.

Bellamy, Echo, and Hope follow close behind Gabriel as he leads them to the Anomaly. As they get further from Gabriel’s tent, it seems as though they’ve stepped into a completely different landscape. The woods are more barren, and everything has a green tinge.

The wind picks up as they continue to edge through the forest. They must be getting close. Bellamy struggles to keep his eyes open as wind blows in his face. He pushes forward, keeping track of Gabriel not too far ahead of him so he doesn’t get lost.

Things start to get weird as they approach. The air ripples with green waves and Bellamy’s clothes billow as he keeps going.

_Bellamy!_ A voice calls out from somewhere in the forest.

He turns to look behind him. He sees Echo and Hope, struggling against the wind, but they clearly didn’t say anything. He could have sworn it sounded like—

_Bellamy!_ The voice calls again. This time it’s closer.

He turns to find Clarke by his side. Or at least, whatever this hallucination is looks like Clarke. But it doesn’t feel like a hallucination. It feels real.

“Clarke?” he calls back.

_Why’d you leave me behind?_ Tears stream down her face.

“I had to… There wasn’t time!”

_Bellamy, I need you._

Bellamy feels like he can’t breathe again. He wants to turn back, he almost does.

“I’m sorry, I—”

“Keep moving!” Gabriel shouts. “Whatever you’re seeing, it isn’t real! Focus on moving forward!”

Bellamy turns back to the ghostlike version of Clarke next to him and his heart almost breaks.

_Don’t leave me again._ She whimpers.

He tears his gaze from her and looks behind him to find Echo on the ground, her hands over her ears. He thinks she’s screaming, but it’s getting harder and harder to hear.

He turns back to Clarke before telling her, “I’m sorry.”

He rushes to help Echo up from the ground and drags her with him. She keeps her hands over her ears, but keeps her feet moving.

They eventually catch up with Gabriel in a clearing. Green ripples rush all around them. This is it. This is the Anomaly.

Gabriel pulls out the long rope from his bag and wraps one end around a tree. He turns to Bellamy and Echo.

“I’m hoping that the symbols on your arms will act as a tether so you can get back here!” he explains, shouting over the electric hum and wind.

“Then what’s the rope for?” Bellamy shouts back.

“Just an extra precaution!”

“What if we don’t come out?” Echo asks.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” Gabriel admits. “If this works properly, barely any time will have passed here, so it’ll be as if you never left!”

Bellamy turns to Echo one last time. She looks as unsure as he feels. At least they can agree on that.

He takes a deep breath and takes hold of the rope, tying a piece of it around his wrist. Echo does the same, a little further down the rope. He turns back to look at Gabriel, and Gabriel nods at him.

“Here goes nothing,” Bellamy says, more to himself than anyone else. He tugs on the rope to signal to Echo he’s moving, then takes off, allowing the green electric waves to swallow him.

The force that causes Bellamy to fly through the air is almost unbearable. It’s much worse than falling through space, something he’s done multiple times and still will never be used to. He wants to scream, but there’s too much pressure on his body, so he can’t make any noise. He falls for he’s not sure how long, but when he does eventually land, he’s on his own.

Bellamy blinks until his surroundings come into focus. It’s nighttime, and it almost looks as if he’s back on Earth again. In fact, he’s pretty sure he is back on Earth. But Earth before Praimfaya.

Once he feels like he can stand, he realizes why this place looks so familiar. He’s back where the Dropship landed. That seems like it was lifetimes ago, but there’s no mistaking that’s where he is. Did he travel back in time? He sees the glow of the fires from inside the camp and hears the shouts of rowdy teenagers. He wants to get closer, but he’s heard time travel stories, and he decides it’s a bad idea if he’s seen.

He hears more shouts and cheers from inside the camp. It sounds like Monty and Jasper announcing that the moonshine is ready. Is it Unity Day? Bellamy’s eyes well up as he thinks back to how simple things were back then. He found himself in charge of a bunch of teenagers, he had no idea what he was doing, and he was terrified. He almost wishes that were still his biggest problem.

Bellamy lingers outside the camp until he sees a familiar figure come to rest outside the gates. He ducks behind the trees and out of sight as a younger version of himself sits down, chomping on an apple. He’s beardless, and his curls are wild, and for once, it seems like he can actually relax. Bellamy remembers this moment well.

His past self throws his apple core off to the side once he’s finished with it and leans back with his hands on the ground behind him. He stares up, watching the stars in the sky. He seems glad to have a break.

It’s at this moment that Bellamy is caught off guard. He watches as Clarke comes out of the gates, two cups of moonshine in hand. She takes a seat next to his past self and wordlessly hands him one of the cups. He seems mildly surprised to see Clarke sitting down next to him, but he doesn’t mind her company.

He smiles as he takes the moonshine from her and takes a sip, wincing as it goes down.

Bellamy wracks his brain, trying to remember this interaction with Clarke. Sure, it was ages ago, but as he’s watching it, it almost feels as though it didn’t happen to him.

“It’s kind of weird,” Clarke remarks. “Letting our guard down, I mean.”

“And that’s how I can tell you’re not actually letting your guard down. You’re thinking about it too much,” he smirks.

She chuckles and rolls her eyes as she takes a sip of her own drink.

“I’m working on that. The thinking too much.”

“I’m sure the moonshine is helping.”

Clarke nods. “It’s my second cup. Definitely won’t need anymore after this.”

He smiles, downing the rest of the contents of his cup and clearing his throat once it’s gone.

It’s at this point as Bellamy looks on that he’s absolutely positive this didn’t happen to him. Sure, he remembers feeling a bit closer to Clarke after she convinced Jaha to pardon him for his crimes, but they didn’t have this conversation. Why is he misremembering his own life?

Bellamy looks on as he and Clarke sit in silence, weirdly content with each other’s company. He eventually turns his head to stare at Clarke as her attention remains on the stars. She must feel his eyes on her, because she turns and catches him staring. He ducks his head in embarrassment, but Clarke doesn’t seem to mind.

“The moonshine must really be getting to you,” she jokes.

“I mean, I don’t think the moonshine is helping,” he admits.

_What the hell is going on?_ Bellamy thinks to himself. He keeps watching as the interaction unfolds.

“And besides, you’re the one that came to sit with me. So I know it’s already affecting your brain.”

She laughs at this, leaning into him just the slightest bit.

“I mean, I don’t exactly hate you anymore,” she says. “Just in case you weren’t aware.”

“I kind of figured, but it’s nice to hear you say it out loud.”

Clarke smiles, not breaking eye contact with him. He can’t seem to help but smile back. He leans closer and closer to Clarke’s face. She doesn’t make any move to lean away from him, so he keeps leaning until his lips are on hers.

Bellamy’s eyes widen as he watches himself kiss Clarke. It’s hesitant at first, as if they’re both a little surprised that it’s actually happening. He pulls away, but Clarke pulls him back in, much more sure of herself this time. His hands go to her waist as the kiss deepens, her arms wrapping around his shoulders.

It’s at this point that Bellamy turns away from them. He’d rather not watch himself make out with Clarke, especially when he’s sure this never actually happened. Well, at least not to him. Something is bubbling in the pit of his stomach. Is he jealous of a different version of himself? All he knows for sure is that the Anomaly is pulling a real mind fuck, and he’s not sure what this has to do with finding Octavia.

He only turns back around when he hears Clarke’s sharp intake of breath. He sees her pull away, this other version of himself frowning at the panicked look on her face.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, sounding as though he’s worried he misread the situation.

“We shouldn’t do this,” Clarke whispers to herself as she shakes her head.

“Do you not want to?”

“It’s a bad idea. Don’t you think?”

He furrows his brow and scoots back, creating space between them.

“Is this because of Finn?” he asks.

“No!” Clarke insists quickly. “This has nothing to do with Finn.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“We’re finally in a good place when it comes to leading together. And I don’t think we should complicate our relationship by adding another element to it so soon.”

Bellamy continues to look on as he and Clarke sit in silence. He watches himself as he stares at his hands in his lap.

“You’re probably right,” he finally responds.

Clarke lets out a deep breath. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. We just got things to a somewhat normal place. I get it.”

“I don’t want things to be weird between us. I’m sorry, Bellamy.”

“Things won’t be weird. We don’t have time for them to be weird.”

She nods at that, then starts to get up from the ground. “Okay, um… I’m gonna do a lap.”

“Okay.”

She smooths her clothes and hair down before flashing him a small smile and making her way back into camp. Once she’s gone, he lets out a deep sigh and puts his face in his hands.

Bellamy is rooted to his spot in the trees. He’s almost glad for it, because he feels compelled to pick up and go comfort this other version of himself, even though he knows that’s a terrible idea. If this young Bellamy is anything like him, he probably doesn’t fully believe Clarke’s co-leader excuse. Finn was always important to Clarke, even when she pretended that he wasn’t. Even looking back now, that’s still hard to come to terms with.

Eventually he gets up from his spot by the gates and heads back into camp. Bellamy takes that as his cue to make his way deeper into the forest, because if whatever dimension this is is anything like the one he lived in, a bunch of delinquents are going to start tramping through the woods, led by Finn the peacemaker himself.

Bellamy isn’t sure what he’s supposed to gain from having witnessed that. Does the Anomaly just have a sick sense of humor? And where the fuck is Echo? How is he supposed to get back to her? He continues through the forest, trying to quell thoughts of how things could have played out differently if he and Clarke had a moment like that on their Unity Day. That line of thinking isn’t helpful, and it’s not what he should be focusing on. He has to find Echo so they can find Octavia and get back to Sanctum with the others.

Bellamy’s not sure how long he walks, but eventually he hears footsteps approaching. He looks over his shoulder and sees torches in the distance. It’s probably Finn, Clarke, and Octavia on their way to the bridge. He’s in their direct path. He panics, because even though this clearly isn’t the past he remembers, it still seems like a bad idea to be seen. He wracks his brain, thinking of somewhere he can hide. He veers off the path and further into the trees, hoping he doesn’t come across Raven, Jasper, and this other version of himself as he looks for somewhere to hide.

He remembers the depot where he and Clarke found the guns. If he’s not mistaken, it shouldn’t be too far off. He decides to hide there until dawn, when everyone that might recognize him would already be at the bridge. Once he finds the door, he cranks it open and descends into the ground. When he gets there, he doesn’t find his surroundings to be the way he remembered them.

He’s not in the depot at all. He takes in his gray, drab surroundings and realizes he’s back inside Arkadia. The Anomaly must be playing another trick on him. Bellamy sighs, but starts walking, afraid of what might happen if someone sees him. The halls are quiet, so he assumes it’s late at night.

Bellamy walks past a door that’s slightly ajar and notices himself asleep on the couch. He knows he should keep moving, but he can’t help but peer in. Not many people get to say they’ve watched themselves sleeping, and Bellamy just wants to know what he looks like when he’s at peace, if only for a little while.

Bellamy hears footsteps approach, but he’s not sure from which direction, so he tiptoes into the room. He takes a quick peek and sees that it’s Clarke, which means she’s headed in this direction. Bellamy looks for a place to hide. There’s a large cabinet in the corner that seems like it would keep him hidden from view of both himself on the couch, and inevitably Clarke when she sits down at the desk. At least, if this moment is going to play out the way he remembers.

Clarke lets out a deep sigh as she comes back into the room and sits down at the desk. She picks up her pen and stares at the notebook in front of her. Bellamy was right. She’s making the list. She stares down at the paper for what feels like an eternity, seeing as Bellamy’s crouched in an uncomfortable position. Every so often she adds another name.

After a while she turns to face the Bellamy asleep on the couch. She smiles at him and adds another name to the page. Bellamy’s heart soars at how quickly she was able to do that compared to some of the others. Then he remembers this isn’t actually his Clarke, so he’s not sure why her writing his name down is making him so emotional.

She stares back down at the page, as if she can’t decide what name to write down next. Bellamy’s stomach drops and guilt floods him. They shouldn’t have let her do this all on her own. What were they thinking?

Clarke takes another breath as she goes to write the last name on the paper, but she can’t bring herself to do it. Bellamy’s eyes shift to the movement on the couch as this other version of himself stirs and sits up. Clarke turns to look at him, then puts her head in her hands.

He gets up from the couch and moves closer to Clarke. He reads the list over her shoulder.

“If I’m on that list, you’re on that list,” he says.

“Bellamy, I can’t,” Clarke says, tears streaming down her face.

“Write it down. Write it down, or I will.”

She shakes her head, and he steps closer to her, taking the pen out of her hand. He writes her name down, then caps the pen, never breaking eye contact with her. Bellamy feels uncomfortable sharing this moment with them, even though he is hidden from view.

“So what now?” Clarke finally asks.

“Now we put it away and hope we never have to use it,” he says.

“You still have hope?” Her voice is small when she utters it.

He gives her a small smile. “We still breathing?”

He rests his hand on her shoulder, and Clarke puts her hand on top of his and leans into his touch. They sit like that for a moment, not saying anything, just being there for one another.

Bellamy remembers these moments with his Clarke vividly. Lingering touches and glances that he wished he had noticed sooner. All the things he wished he could say, but felt selfish saying in the moment. There were bigger things than how he was feeling. And look at where that’s landed him.

“Get some sleep,” the other version of himself says, patting Clarke’s arm one last time and leaving the room.

Clarke stares at the wall for a moment, lost in thought. She rips out the page from its book and stows it in one of the desk drawers. It’s not long before she’s standing up from her seat and leaving the room herself, a look of determination set on her face.

Once she’s out the door, Bellamy jumps up from his hiding spot, thankful to stretch out his muscles after sitting in that cramped position for too long. He makes his way to the door and peeks out, making sure nobody is in the hallway.

Bellamy’s shocked to find that Clarke has caught up with this other him. She takes his hand, stopping him from walking and pulls him down until her lips are on his. What is going on?

His eyes are wide as she pulls away. “Clarke—”

“Don’t say anything,” she interrupts, reaching up to kiss him again.

He stops her before she can. “But what about what you said before?”

“Bellamy, that might as well have been eons ago. Things are different now. I want you.”

“I…” He trails off, as if his brain is short-circuiting.

Bellamy can’t see Clarke’s face, but he imagines she’s frowning.

“Am I reading this wrong?” she asks.

“No, that’s not it! I want you, too. But shouldn’t we talk about this? Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. Are you?”

Whatever doubt was in his face leaves the moment he hears Clarke’s answer.

“I’m sure,” he says before leaning down to close the distance between them again.

They stand like that in the hallway for another minute, before he pulls away and takes Clarke’s hand. He leads her down the hall and around the corner, presumably to his room.

Bellamy is reeling from what he just witnessed, still unsure what the purpose of him seeing it was supposed to be. If this is the Anomaly’s idea of a joke, he doesn’t find it funny. He doesn’t have time to think about what could have happened if he and his Clarke had acted on their feelings. He’s still not sure how he got here, and he needs to figure out how to get back to Echo.

He finally exits the room, still cautious of running into people. He’s not sure how to get out of this and back to where he’s supposed to be, even though he’s not sure where that is, either.

Bellamy hears voices coming around the corner and jumps into action. He rushes to a closet at the end of the hall and ducks inside. As he closes himself in, he falls backward.

He lands flat on his back in a clearing, just outside of a forest he’s never seen before.

“Bellamy?” a voice calls.

Bellamy lifts his head to find Echo running towards him. Thank God. He’s glad that at least something is normal again. She looks a little worse for wear, but he’s sure he’s in a similar state.

She helps him sit up as he looks around. They’re seemingly in the middle of nowhere. A cabin sits by itself in the distance.

“Where are we?” he finally asks.

“I have no idea,” she answers. “But we need to find Octavia as soon as possible, because I don’t want to be stuck in the Anomaly for any longer than absolutely necessary.”

“Agreed.”

Bellamy lifts himself to standing.

“Have you been here long, or did you just get here, too?”

“I was running through the woods, and it felt like they would never end, but they finally let out here, and I found you on the ground,” Echo explains.

“Well the cabin’s the only thing here. Should we check it out?”

“What other option do we have?”

Bellamy grimaces, not loving the idea of trespassing, but what else is there for them to do? It’s their only lead.

He and Echo walk in silence as they near the cabin. Bellamy is still overwhelmed by thoughts of what he witnessed before he found Echo again, and it seems like she must have witnessed something equally as jarring. He can sense the tension she’s holding. Things may be different between them now, but he still knows her.

When they reach the cabin, Bellamy walks around it to see if there’s any glaring sign that they shouldn’t enter. It just looks like somebody’s house, but that somebody clearly isn’t home.

“This kind of feels like Hansel and Gretel,” Bellamy mumbles.

Echo frowns. “What is that?”

He shakes his head. “Never mind.”

“Should we knock?”

“I don’t think we’ll get an answer,” he says, though he knocks anyway.

There’s no answer, but the door swings open a crack, as if inviting them inside.

“Great. Not creepy at all,” Echo says grimly.

Bellamy takes a careful step inside, and holds his breath until he’s fully in the cabin. Nothing bad happens, so he lets out his breath and motions for Echo to follow him in. She enters, but she’s still on her guard.

“Is anybody here?” Bellamy calls out. It’s worth a shot.

“What took you so long?” a woman’s voice calls from another room.

Bellamy and Echo frown at each other, but step into the next room. Bellamy lets out a sigh of relief when they find Diyoza sitting by a fireplace. She looks exactly the same as when they last saw her, only a bit more cleaned up. She’s reading a book, a mug sitting on the table next to her.

“Diyoza?” Echo asks, almost in disbelief. “What are you doing here?”

“I’ve been waiting for you guys. I would offer you some tea, but I’m not sure we have time for pleasantries.”

“I’m confused. Why aren’t you older?” Bellamy asks. “Hope was a full-grown adult when we saw her.”

“Don’t waste your time trying to figure out how things work here. You’ll just hurt your head.”

She puts her book down and rises from the chair. She heads back into the hall, only turning to make sure they’re following her.

“Aren’t you coming?” she asks.

Bellamy and Echo follow Diyoza out of her living room and further into the house. She opens a closet under the stairs and pulls out supplies. She throws a backpack in Bellamy’s direction, which he catches. She hands Echo a knife. Bellamy opens the backpack to find an assortment of weapons.

“What do we need these for?” Bellamy asks.

“Octavia might need help. And knowing her, it’s bound to get messy.”

Diyoza pulls on a jacket and replaces her slippers with boots. Once she’s properly suited up, she continues down the hall and to the back door of the cabin. Bellamy and Echo follow behind, still unsure what’s going on.

“And where exactly are we going?” Bellamy asks, hoping for a more substantial answer.

Diyoza continues walking, but begins to explain. “When I ran into the Anomaly, it spit me out here. I was tired of fighting and it’s been peaceful, so I’ve stayed put for the most part. Octavia also got spit out here. She’s always going off and doing her own thing, though. She comes back every now and again to help out with Hope. And eventually Hope started going off with her. But you know your sister. Always one to get into trouble.”

Bellamy scoffs. Diyoza doesn’t know the half of it.

“Well this time she pissed off the wrong guy. She exposed his cult a while back, and he’s been after her ever since. Hope and I have been helping her hide, but he’s caught on to our tricks. I’m not sure how much longer we can fool him.”

“So how do we get her out of this?” Echo asks.

“She’s got it mostly under control. Hope coming to get her was all part of the plan.”

“What plan? Hope didn’t exactly tell us much.”

Diyoza doesn’t respond. “You’ll get your answers soon enough.”

Bellamy rolls his eyes, but keeps following Diyoza.

Diyoza leads them back into the forest on the other side of the clearing and towards a rundown shed. She opens the door and motions for Bellamy and Echo to go through. They’re both hesitant.

“After you,” Diyoza prompts.

“I don’t know about you, but I haven’t had the best luck with going through doors since we got here,” Bellamy says.

“Then I guess you don’t want to save your sister.”

Bellamy sighs and steps through the door. Echo follows, then Diyoza, closing the door behind them.

The inside of the shed lets them out into a space not unlike the bunker’s fighting pit. Bellamy isn’t wasting his time trying to figure out the Anomaly anymore, but he figures since this has something to do with Octavia that it makes sense. Nobody is around, and it doesn’t help his nerves that all he hears is the quiet hum of machinery.

“We’d better hurry, we’re on a time crunch,” Diyoza says before continuing forward.

Bellamy wishes he had a better idea of what they were walking into. He can’t say he’s surprised that Octavia made a dangerous enemy, but he feels like he could better prepare if he just had more of the facts.

Diyoza opens a door on the other side of the pit and ushers Bellamy and Echo inside. They’re met with Octavia, who looks completely unharmed as she polishes a sword.

“Octavia!” Bellamy says, rushing forward to hug her.

“Took you long enough,” she smiles.

Bellamy pulls back, ready for an explanation. “What’s going on?”

“So I’ve been hopping around to different places inside the Anomaly, and I got myself into trouble.”

“Yeah, that much I know.”

“You remember back before Praimfaya when Jaha was obsessed with that cult leader and the Second Dawn Bunker?”

“Yeah. Bill Cadogan, right?”

Octavia nods. “Well I ran into some version of him, and let’s just say he’s not my biggest fan.”

“O, what did you do?”

“Bell, you didn’t see what he was doing to people. Torturing them if they didn’t follow him. And I know I’m not one to talk, but it was gruesome. I had to do something about it. I had to help them.”

As much as Bellamy hates it and as much as he just wants her to come back home, he knows Octavia is going to see this through. She’s stubborn that way.

“I just want you to be okay,” he admits.

She rubs his shoulder. “And I will be. And I’ll come back with you. I just have to do this first.”

He nods. This isn’t his fight. He trusts that Octavia knows what she’s doing and lets her instruct him on the plan.

It turns out Hope coming out of the Anomaly and stabbing Octavia was part of a larger plan to distract Cadogan so they could ambush him when he least expected it. Octavia’s been watching him for some time, and he only travels with a couple trusted individuals. Now that she has Diyoza, Bellamy, and Echo, he’ll be outnumbered.

It’s not a very long battle, and much of it flashes by without Bellamy realizing. He goes head-to-head with one of Cadogan’s minions for most of the fight. He lets his guard down for a moment too long, and his opponent raises his spear, ready to bring it down over Bellamy’s head.

As he starts to duck, he vaguely hears Echo shout his name, before she throws herself in between Bellamy and his attacker, slashing the man with her knife in the process. She falls to the ground, clutching her arm. The spear must have nicked her.

Bellamy quickly kneels to the ground to help her. He moves her hand away from her arm so he can assess the damage, but is frozen to the spot when he sees that her hand is stained with black, rather than red. His eyes move to Echo’s face, a panicked look in her eyes.

“You’re a Nightblood?” Bellamy asks in disbelief. Maybe the Anomaly is playing another trick on him.

“I never got a chance to explain—”

Echo is cut off by a guttural cry from Octavia, as she slits Cadogan’s throat with her sword. It’s over. Yet Bellamy doesn’t feel any sort of relief. There are too many questions floating around in his brain, and he doesn’t even know where to begin.

He has to put his questions on hold, seeing as getting out of the Anomaly now takes precedent. They wrap Echo’s arm with a piece of cloth from Octavia’s sweater and leave Octavia’s bunker, making their way back through the forest.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come back with us?” Bellamy asks Diyoza once they arrive back at her cabin.

Diyoza shakes her head. “I’ve had enough fighting for one lifetime. And I like what I’ve got here. It’s boring, and that’s exactly what I’m after.”

He nods. He envies her. All Bellamy has ever wanted is normal, and he’s still not sure he’ll ever get it.

He and Echo make their way back up to the clearing as Octavia bids Diyoza goodbye. Having been in the Anomaly himself he’s now aware how odd time is here, and he doesn’t know how many years Octavia and Diyoza spent together, but they clearly had an impact on each other.

Bellamy turns back to see Octavia break the hug and run to catch up to him and Echo.

“Do you guys even know where you’re going?” she asks as she pushes in front of them.

“I didn’t realize there was a rhyme or reason to things around here,” Echo says.

“There is. You just don’t know it.”

Octavia leads them back through the forest that Echo says she ran through. It seems to go on forever, especially since they’re walking in silence. Bellamy still isn’t sure what to say to Echo about her apparent Nightblood, and he still needs time to gather his thoughts. Hopefully he’ll have figured something out by the time they get out of the Anomaly.

As their walk continues, Bellamy swears he can hear the faint sound of wind and the electric hum that they heard on their way into the Anomaly. It gets louder the further they get into the forest. Eventually the trees clear, and Octavia leads them into a circular clearing. The hum is just as loud as it was before they stepped into the Anomaly.

Octavia stops, waiting for Bellamy and Echo to join her. She holds out her hand for Bellamy. He takes it, then grabs Echo’s hand with his free one.

“Let’s go home,” Octavia says, and almost immediately they’re swept up into the same current that landed them here.

This time it feels like falling up. The force is still too much for Bellamy, but the thought of being back on solid ground that he understands is what gets him through the journey.

Once he’s back, he hits the ground running, but only makes it a few steps before falling over, energy completely spent. Echo and Octavia have fallen not too far from him. Weirdly enough, the rope he and Echo were tied to on the way in has reappeared. He lifts his head to see Gabriel and Hope running towards them.

Gabriel goes to Octavia first, while Hope helps Echo untie her wrist. By the time Octavia and Gabriel are on their way to Bellamy, he’s sitting up. Gabriel unties Bellamy, then offers his arm and helps him get to his feet.

Hope goes to hug Octavia, and this time nothing happens to her. “You did it.”

“And I couldn’t have done it without you,” Octavia says before turning to Gabriel. “How long were we gone?”

“About a week,” Gabriel answers.

Bellamy’s eyes widen. How can that be possible when it felt like they had only been gone for a day, at most? “A week? You said it would be like no time had passed.”

Gabriel shrugs. “Time in the Anomaly is funny. I can’t fully explain it.”

“So we’ve been missing from Sanctum for a week?” Echo realizes. “Do the others know where we are?”

“Don’t worry, I’ve talked to them. They’ve been dealing with their own stuff, but it seems like the dust has settled for them, too.”

Bellamy turns to Echo. “We should head back.”

Echo nods, though she seems somewhat hesitant.

“We’ll stop at my tent and then go,” Gabriel declares.

Their group heads away from the hum of the Anomaly, and Bellamy has never been more thankful to leave something behind in his life. The whole experience messed with his head in the worst way, and he’s not sure what he’s supposed to say to Echo now. Bellamy walks ahead with Gabriel on their way to his tent. There’ll be plenty of time to talk to Echo on the way back to Sanctum. Right now he needs some answers.

“Can I ask you something about the Anomaly?” Bellamy asks.

“I can’t guarantee I have a good answer, but yes.”

“It was showing me things… even before we went in… things that I don’t tend to let myself think about.”

Gabriel nods. “The Anomaly amplifies your deepest desires and your deepest fears. Sometimes both. It can bring a lot of deep-seated things to light.”

“Oh.”

Bellamy can’t say what the Anomaly made him see was something that needed to be brought to light. He already knew it. Maybe he just needed the extra push to actually come to terms with it and let himself feel those things.

He looks over his shoulder to find Echo walking with Octavia and Hope. Octavia and Hope are talking to each other, but Echo walks beside them in silence. Guilt consumes Bellamy as he realizes he’s not being fair to her. They have to talk.

Gabriel gathers a few things once they reach his tent, then he leads the way back to Sanctum. Octavia and Hope follow closely behind him. Bellamy goes to follow, but is stopped by Echo grabbing his hand. He turns to face her, not expecting the look of concern that’s worked its way onto her face.

“I think we need to talk,” she says quietly.

Bellamy nods. “You’re right.”

They hang back, walking much further from the rest of their group, so they can have some amount of privacy.

“I never got a chance to tell you about the Nightblood,” Echo begins. “Everything happened so fast, and I thought I would just tell you when things slowed down. But they never seem to.”

He chuckles. “That’s true. When did it happen?”

“When you were in the woods trying to get Clarke back. Russell was going to wipe me and put Simone’s mind drive into my head. But he used Abby at the last minute.”

Bellamy stops in his tracks. “Echo, I’m so sorry. If I had known—”

She shakes her head. “But you didn’t know. Clarke was the priority. And we had it under control eventually. You don’t have to feel guilty for that. If anything, I should feel guilty.”

“What are you talking about?”

Echo takes a deep breath before speaking. “I was stalling after Ryker injected me. And I told him something I’ve never told anyone before. Not even you.”

Bellamy listens as Echo (or Ash, he should say) tells him about her story. His heart hurts to learn about it, but he finds he’s not mad that she kept it from him. Just sad for her.

“And when we went into the Anomaly, I kept seeing these flashes of you learning about who I really am, and you were shouting about how I hadn’t really changed, and that you never wanted to see me again.”

“You know I’d never say that to you,” Bellamy says.

“I know that. I’m just not sure what came over me.”

“Gabriel told me that the Anomaly amplifies your deepest desire or your deepest fear. Maybe that helps clear things up.”

“I guess so.” She pauses before adding, “You saw Clarke, didn’t you?”

Bellamy’s jaw clenches, but he sees no reason to lie. “I did.”

“I know you’re still in love with her.”

Echo’s directness surprises Bellamy. They haven’t mentioned Clarke this frankly since they were on the Ring, and the last time was ages before they were together.

“When we left the Ring I said I didn’t want things to change, but that was stupid of me. I think in the end, things have worked out this way for a reason,” she continues.

Bellamy isn’t sure what to say, so eventually Echo keeps going.

“I’ve spent my whole life following people. First Nia, then Roan, and now you. And I don’t have regrets about following you, you’ve been a great leader. But I think it might be time for me to strike out on my own.”

Bellamy nods. “I understand. Echo, I am so sorry.”

She gives him a sad smile. “I’m sorry, too. But you can’t help how you feel. And I know you loved me. But this has run its course, and I just want you to be happy.”

“I want you to be happy, too.”

“I know. And I will be.”

Bellamy’s never experienced a break up before. The other people he’s been with didn’t survive long enough for a break up to occur. He’s sad, but the whole thing feels like a weight off his chest. He knew it had to happen eventually, and there was never going to be a perfect time. He’ll always care about Echo, but it’s important for both of them to move on.

They walk in companionable silence as they catch up to the rest of the group. It’s not long before they near the edge of Sanctum. Gabriel puts down the shield so they can enter. Bellamy has no idea what they’re going to be walking into, seeing as Gabriel hasn’t really updated them as to what’s happened in the week they’ve been gone.

There’s a lot of bustling about as they near the town’s center. People are running back and forth with flowers and decorations. Some are hanging banners from the poles. Of all the things Bellamy expected to find upon his return, this definitely wasn’t it. And he still hasn’t seen anyone he recognizes.

Echo rushes forward and Bellamy looks to see that she’s found Emori. The two embrace and launch into catching each other up.

It doesn’t take long before Bellamy spots who he’s looking for. She’s standing with Niylah, looking over some sort of map. They’re in deep conversation, and Bellamy isn’t sure he should interrupt, but that doesn’t stop him from breaking into a run as he gets closer.

Clarke looks up as he gets nearer and grins. It’s not often he gets to see her smile, but it’s worth it every time.

“Bellamy, you’re back!” Clarke says as she rolls up the map she and Niylah were looking at.

He smiles. “What’d I miss?”

Clarke and Niylah share a look, before Niylah takes the map and heads off to talk to Octavia.

“Kind of a lot, honestly,” Clarke finally answers. “Long story short, the Sanctumites think Murphy is a god, and he and Emori are getting married next week.”

“Huh,” Bellamy laughs. “It sounds like I have a lot to catch up on.”

She nods. “How are you? Glad you got Octavia back?”

“Yeah, yeah.” He takes her hand in his before he loses his nerve. “Do you wanna get a drink?”

Clarke furrows her brow at this. “We can get a drink with everyone and catch up.”

Bellamy shakes his head. “No, I mean… do you wanna get a drink with just me?”

A look of sadness washes over her face, but it’s gone as soon as it appeared.

“What about Echo?” she asks.

“Echo and I are done.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“A drink would be nice,” she answers.

Bellamy’s heart soars at her response and he doesn’t try to hide the grin that resides on his face for the rest of the day.

They agree to have their drink after Clarke has spent some time with Madi and put her to bed. Bellamy paces by the bar until she comes back downstairs.

She’s wearing exactly what she had on earlier, but Bellamy can’t help but be struck by how radiant she looks. Maybe it’s just that he’s finally allowing himself to look at her that way, he’s not sure. But he’s so glad they actually have a chance to start whatever this is.

Hi,” she says once she reaches the bar.

“Hi,” he responds.

“So I feel like this drink is over a hundred years overdue.”

“And whose fault is that?” he jokes.

She lets out a surprised laugh. “Touché.”

He smiles. “Shall we?”

They get their drinks then decide to sit outside where they’re afforded slightly more privacy. Clarke catches Bellamy up on what happened in Sanctum while he and Echo were in the Anomaly.

“And Jordan’s gonna be okay,” she continues. “That purification ritual really messed him up, but Jackson thinks it’s out of his system. And Murphy’s used his godlike authority to put a stop to the whole thing.”

Bellamy chuckles. “If you had told me way back when that people would be worshiping Murphy, I would have told you that was crazy. But in a weird way, it kind of makes sense.”

“I agree. And it’s definitely not the craziest thing that’s ever happened to us.”

“How are you?”

Clarke shrugs. “I’m okay.”

He rests a hand on top of hers. “Hey. It’s me. You don’t have to hold back.”

She nods, tears welling up in her eyes. “Everything’s been so busy. I haven’t really had time to stop and sit with how I’m feeling. But I really miss her, Bellamy. I got her back just to lose her again.”

Bellamy wraps his arms around Clarke, and she instantly leans into his touch. She doesn’t deserve all the pain she’s been carrying around. He wishes he could ease it somehow, but he knows that being there for her is the best he can do.

“I’m trying to be strong for Madi’s sake,” she continues. “But it’s hard sometimes.”

“I know you’re strong for Madi because you’re so used to it just being the two of you,” Bellamy says. “But you’re not alone anymore. It’s okay if you’re not strong all the time. You have me. You said it yourself, we’re family.”

Clarke nods, lifting a hand to wipe her face. She sits up so she can take another sip of her drink, and Bellamy immediately misses the contact.

“Thank you,” she smiles. “You know you don’t have to be strong all the time, either, right?”

Bellamy grimaces. “In theory, I do. In practice, I’d say I still have some work to do.”

“Well maybe we can do it together.”

“I’d like that.”

They lapse into comfortable silence as they finish their drinks. This is the moment that Bellamy’s been waiting for. It’s been years and years in the making, yet somehow he’s still nervous to bridge the gap and cross over into uncharted territory.

“When I was in the Anomaly, I got thrown back into what I thought was the past. But it was a different version of the past. One where we realized our feelings sooner.”

Clarke’s eyes widen as red creeps up her face, but she doesn’t say anything.

Bellamy takes a breath before continuing. “There were so many moments back on Earth where I almost told you how I felt. But it never seemed like the right time, and it felt selfish. Everyone was gonna die, but I couldn’t admit that I was in love with you.”

Clarke’s breath hitches. “Bellamy…”

“I think in my own way, I was running from it. I told myself that I would tell you when things calmed down, but they never did, and then we had to leave you. And even when we found each other again, it never felt like the right time. I was still with Echo, and it didn’t seem like things were ever going to calm down. Honestly, it feels like we’re always running and running, but I guess it might finally be time to stop.”

Bellamy finally meets Clarke’s eyes, his heart threatening to explode out of his chest. He holds her gaze, almost afraid to let the moment end.

“I love you, Clarke.”

An ‘I love you’ almost doesn’t seem like enough to fully express the depth of Bellamy’s feelings and what they’ve been through, but for now it’s enough.

“Bellamy, I love you, too.”

Now it’s Bellamy’s turn for tears to well in his eyes, as he takes Clarke’s face in his hands. He leans in and puts his lips on hers.

Though this isn’t technically the first time that Bellamy has kissed Clarke, this time is much better, seeing as it’s not a life or death situation. It’s soft and uncertain, as they learn each other, but filled with promise for what’s to come. Her lips taste like salt and whiskey, and he’s almost in disbelief that this is finally happening for them.

Eventually they pull apart, pressing their foreheads together. Bellamy lets out a soft laugh, overwhelmed by happiness.

“It almost feels like we have to make up for lost time,” Clarke whispers.

“We don’t have to think of it like that. All the moments that might have been led us to here, and this is how it was meant to be.”

Clarke giggles. “You are quite the romantic, Bellamy Blake.”

“Well get used to it, because I’m not going anywhere.”

Clarke leans in to kiss him again. It’s a sensation he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to, and he’s so glad he never has to know what it’s like to be without it.

**_______________________** ****

Murphy and Emori’s wedding is the most joyous occasion that any of its attendants have ever experienced. For once, they’re allowed to revel in their happiness and celebrate love. It’s an occasion that Bellamy never thought he’d witness in this way, but he’s glad that Murphy and Emori get the happy ending they deserve. Seeing Murphy tear up when Emori walked down the aisle is something that Bellamy is never going to let him live down. Though he doesn’t have much of a leg to stand on, seeing as he also cried.

The ceremony is short, but the party continues well into the night. It’s the first time in a long time that they’ve all been able to stop and enjoy life. No planning for the next attack, no discussing strategies long into the night. Just dancing, drinking, and laughter with the best company Bellamy could ask for.

Bellamy and Clarke are together, but they’re not big on PDA, for Echo’s sake. Echo insists that she’s fine, but Bellamy still feels weird parading around his new relationship in front of her. He scans the room for her and sees her sitting with Raven. They laugh about something and when Echo lifts her head again her eyes meet Bellamy’s. She smiles and he smiles back. She seems happy, and he hopes she figures herself out like she said she’d wanted to.

He turns to watch as Clarke twirls Madi around on the dance floor. She’s wearing a simple, light blue dress, and Bellamy thinks she’s never looked more beautiful. Her eyes light up with laughter as Jordan comes to join them and he and Madi break out into a choreographed routine. Bellamy can’t help but chuckle himself.

Eventually the music changes to something slower, and couples begin to take the dance floor. Bellamy rises from the table and makes his way over to Clarke. Her back is turned, so she doesn’t see him coming, but Madi and Jordan share a knowing look as he approaches.

He taps her on the shoulder, and she turns to face him, a big smile on her face.

“May I have the honor of this dance?” he asks.

She chuckles. “Of course.”

Bellamy wraps his arms around Clarke’s waist as she reaches up to put hers around his shoulders. They sway to the music, silently at first, just enjoying each other’s company.

“Today was kind of a perfect day,” Clarke remarks after a while.

“Yeah. It’s nice to not have to worry about fighting something or someone all the time,” Bellamy agrees.

“I know it’s silly to think that it’ll always be like this. But I wish it were.”

“I get the feeling we’re in for peace for at least a little while. We’ve been through so much. It’s only fair.”

Clarke smiles, resting her head on Bellamy’s chest. He sighs and puts his head on top of hers.

Bellamy’s finally starting to understand what Diyoza meant when she said she was tired of fighting. His whole life so far has been a constant battle, and this is the first time he’s felt like he can actually rest. They still have so much to figure out, but at least for this moment, strategizing is the last thing on anyone’s mind.

“Have you ever thought about this? Getting married, I mean,” Clarke asks.

“Woah there, Griffin,” Bellamy smiles. “We’ve been together for a week.”

“Well I obviously didn’t mean now! But maybe in the future?”

“I haven’t thought about it much. But I’ve thought about it a lot this past week, I can tell you that.”

Clarke lifts her head and grins at him. “Me too.”

“I love you.”

She nods. “I love you, too.”

He presses a kiss to her forehead as they continue to sway to the music. Bellamy has had a lot of uncertainty in his life, and he’s sure there’s a lot more ahead. But the one thing he’ll always be sure of is that Clarke Griffin is the person he’s supposed to spend forever with.

**Author's Note:**

> I have to give another shoutout to my dear friend [Mobi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mobi_On_A_Mission/pseuds/Mobi_On_A_Mission), since I was inspired to end with a Memori wedding thanks to her fic Revive.
> 
> I really hope you guys enjoyed reading! I had fun writing this, and I'm excited to share it with you all. Let me know what you think!
> 
> And you can come shout with me about The 100, The Magicians, or even the new Emma movie on [Tumblr](https://sassmasterblake.tumblr.com/)!


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